The MomSource - Proactive Solutions for Postpartum Families

Today I had the pleasure of being on the “meet and greet” team for the Firefly Center’s grand opening. There were lots of parents there checking out this wonderful resource center for parents and kids. Jane Costello gave an appetizer to her “Love and Logic” parenting classes with “5 Tips to Get Your Kids Ears to Work”.

Karin LeFranc led the kids in a yoga class, there were art projects, free photographs of children, delicious snacks and more. I introduced the MomSource’s new service “From We to Three (& more!)” workshop, which will help expectant parents transition from a couple to a family. Debby Johnson, who will be teaching Love and Logic classes in the fall for parents of teenagers, read a story to the little ones while their art projects dried. Massage therapist and birth doula Sarah Thayer was there providing free chair massages, (she is great!).

Aimee Chandler from WeBeFit, Carolyn from Kindermusic, Kathy Knapp from Music Together and many other resources from the parenting community were there to congratulate Karin and Jane on their new venture. Congratulations on a great launch to a much-needed resource!

I get so excited when I meet others who are as passionate about supporting parents as I am.  Today I met two individuals who are embarking on making their dreams a reality-creating a resource center for parents and kids.  Jane Costello and Karin Lefranc have joined forces to create “The Firefly Center: lighting the way for parents & kids”.  Jane teaches Love and Logic classes for parents of  children ages 2-13.  They are taught in a five-week series and help parents reduce power struggles, whining and arguing! Who doesn’t want that? If you are interested only in these classes,  www.blueprintparenting.com has a schedule.

Karin teaches both mindful yoga classes and “manners matter” classes.  She recently authored “A Quest for Good Manners” and is a certified children’s etiquette teacher.

I was so pleased to learn that The Firefly Center will also be offering other classes: Infant and Child CPR, Prenatal yoga, Story time, and theatre classes.  There is a huge deficit of support groups for new moms, so I was ecstatic to learn that Sarah Thayer, doula and massage therapist, will be soon beginning one at The Firefly Center.  Check out their web site for dates and rates: www.thefireflycenter.com

I purchased an ipad a few months ago, and finally have a more visceral understanding of “Apps”!  When a client raved about the app that helped her keep track of  “which side was when” with breastfeeding (Baby Connect), I decided that I should learn more about how these bits of programming could be useful to the new parents I serve.

Wow, I had no idea how extensive this journey could be! There are hundreds of apps that could be useful to parents; how to narrow it down? I decided to simply focus on the apps I found and believe would be useful to expecting and new parents, and invite you to share your discoveries here as well.  Please share your experiences-those “in the trenches” are the best critics!

Expecting parents can count kicks with the “Pregnancy Kick Counter” by Ethan Productions within the app “What to Expect When You are Expecting”.  The  free Labor and Contraction Timer” by Michael Kale uses  one button to time the duration and spacing of the last contraction, and will average the contractions so that you can determine if they are increasing or decreasing (and therefore help you decide when to go to the birthing center or hospital).   “Stage 1” by Arboretum Software  provides the timing features, in addition to a focal point, a timing ring, and a background photo of your choice.  For less than a dollar you can purchase the “Contraction Master” which will tell you the duration and frequency of contractions in a format that can be emailed from your phone.

“Babybump PregnancyFree” and it’s upgrade, “Babybump Prenancy Pro and Baby Namer” is available for the Android, Apple and Palm Pilot.  Both are really awesome in providing expecting parents information and schematics about the baby’s development, pregnancy countdown, in addition to the ability to journal,  photo journal and share  on Facebook and Twitter.

After the baby (or babies) are born, there is a free application called “Breastfeed” which provides all kinds of information about breastfeeding,  from birth to 48 hours, and from 48 hours until 2 weeks.  There is a menu of FAQs which covers issues regarding pumping, latch difficulties, and weight loss.  Finally, the app “Baby Connect”, which currently costs $4.99,  enables parents to track all kinds of information about baby: not only nursing details but bottles, solids, pumping, but how many diapers, sleep, milestones, medicine schedules, photos, and even more. They state that” it is the only application that allows one to exchange information in real time with your spouse, babysitter, nanny, or daycare”.

Again, there are so many applications, I couldn’t begin to cover them all . . . please let us know what you have found helpful in your journey into parenthood.

The March Issue of  “American Baby” highlights “the secret sadness”  following births in an article by Alexa Joy Sherman.  Ms Sherman  discusses both the common “baby blues” and the symptoms of postpartum depression, which afflicts up to 20% of new mothers and fathers.  Check out this informative article, which includes quotes from Dr. Thomason as well as other experts in PPD throughout the country.  American Baby can be obtained through a free, online subscription, and may be found in your local pediatrician and OB/GYN waiting room.

Click Here to read full article: The Secret Sadness

A recent conversation with a Mom I know brought to mind and heart the amazing depth of love inspired by “baby”.  When I married my husband, I was overwhelmed by the love I felt for him as we committed to being partners for life.  As I stepped down the staircase to meet him and exchange our vows, I literally felt that I was floating in my happiness and joy. I couldn’t imagine a love equivalent to that peak experience.

When my daughter was born, I couldn’t wait to hold her; “Give her to me, give her to me” I whimpered as they took her to weigh and measure her. I was more exhausted than floating, more grateful than joyful.  I did hold her, wrapped together in warmed fluffy blankets, and put her to my breast for the first time. The seeds of love were sown in my heart even before she arrived, my hopes for her predated even our marriage-children had always been part of our life dreams.  The anxiety I felt as I tried so hard to be the “best Mommy ever”  did not dampen the growth of  primitive, protective, intense love of this lovely girl  baby. I was “head over heels” in love, again.

A neighbor had told me, “you don’t think you could love as much for the second baby, but it is so incredible, you do . . . your heart just grows and grows.”  When I received the amazing news in my second pregnancy that we were expecting not one but two baby boys, I was floored.  I couldn’t imagine being enough . . . being able to be  enough for two babies; one is hard-how would I manage to take care of two?  I really didn’t understand the power of love.  The power of love to get me through the twins’ pregnancy, bed rest, and delivery with the determination and knowledge that, while I didn’t have control, I would do everything I could to make sure they arrived healthy.  The power of love even helped me accomplish what had always been so hard for me-to accept help and to let go of trying to be perfect.  This power sent me again. . . and again, ” head over heels” with each of my beautiful boys. The power of love is exponential . . . it multiplies beyond you and the recipient, cementing families . . . transforming communities.  Tell us about your experience of  love’s power.

This week I had the pleasure of speaking with Leslie Escobales, MS, who is the Nurturing Families Coordinator affiliated with Hartford Hospital.  Ms. Escobales  (860/545-3201) kindly filled me in about  “Nurturing Connections” both at Hartford Hospital and throughout the state.  Nurturing Connections is a support service for first time parents funded by the Children’s Trust Fund (860 418-8765).  This network assists women who are pregnant with or have delivered their first baby with free  information and support.  Support ranges from telephone calls  to home visits to help new parents adjust to the demands of caring for their baby.  There are also parenting groups and referrals to community agencies.  In short, this is a fabulous resource!   There are several locations in Connecticut affiliated with The Nurturing Families Network; call the above number or email Jacqueline Lewis at jacqueline.lewis@po.state.ct.us. to learn of the location nearest you.

Last month, I came across a book entitled “How to do Everything Right”.  I had to chuckle-I’ve been looking for this book my whole life!  I considered the impact of this pressure I’ve always experienced to ALWAYS do EVERYTHING right.  Particularly after our first baby,  I am certain this pressure was a significant contributor to my own postpartum emotional distress.

I wasn’t not alone in this boat: many women who suffer from problems in postpartum adjustment have high expectations of themselves and others, often even striving to be perfect.  When we have a child, this intense desire to do it “right” (because there must be a “right” way!) becomes extremely difficult to manage. You see, there are so many decisions (ie.  breastfeed, bottle feed, or both? work outside the home full-time, part-time, or at work at home full-time? child care? sleep training? on and on and . . . you get the idea).  Surely there is a right answer for each of these questions?

It’s so difficult to accept that there is not one right path for so many decisions in caring for babies and children.  The trouble is, each one insists upon being an individual! With his/her own temperament, interacting with each parent’s temperament, as they are trying to sort out how to be a team in this parenting business . . . you can see how “one size fits all” doesn’t! To make it even more fun,  just when we parents sort it out, the little one moves into a different developmental stage, requiring a new approach!

I hope to help expecting and new parents move toward gentle compassion for themselves as they make this journey.  All of these decisions are theirs to make: with love, with determination, and with joy. Yes, it is an awesome responsibility we have as parents, to raise loving people who will make the world a better place. We will do that better from a place of confidence rather than fear-we don’t have to do it perfectly, just good enough.

I met with the most delightful individual today who shared with me her excitement about the MomSource’s mission to prevent postpartum adjustment problems, hereafter referred to as PPD, which  includes depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive symptoms. Kathleen Montesi, APRN, CPNP, is a pediatric nurse practitioner and is passionate about preventing PPD.

Kathleen has presented her experiences of PPD  to conferences and to the Massachusetts legislature in support of measures to  encourage screening for PPD in doctors’ offices. She was also the prime motivator in the pediatrician’s office where she works to initiate screening for PPD  at  infant checkups! Kathy presented to her colleagues the recent study presented in November’s Pediatrics journal, which highlighted  the negative impact of maternal depression on infant development and the necessity of  screening  mothers for PPD during those infant checkups during the first year.    Dr. John Lavalette of SmartStart Pediatrics was convinced that instituting  screenings at each of the 1, 2, 4 and 6 month infant checkups would benefit babies as much as mothers, and implemented this cutting edge tool in the practice. Kudos!

I was greatly touched by Kathy’s anecdote of her sister Susan Hanly’s kind support of her during her recovery from PPD, and with her permission, would share it with you. Kathy reported that through the whole ordeal, Susan wrote in big, bold print “This is for now, not forever”. Susan sent her multiple cards and notes with this message and Kathy read this over and over-it became the lifeline she could cling to during her depression. When Kathy shared this with me, I got chills because it has been exactly the message women suffering from PPD in my practice have desperately thirsted for and have received.  When suffering from PPD, there is often hopelessness of ever feeling better.  The hope of “better” sometimes has to come from the outside.   How wonderful that Kathy’s sister was able to give her this gift!

The International Childbirth Education Association (ICEA) is a professional organization that supports educators and health care professionals who believe in freedom to make decisions based on knowledge of alternatives in family-centered maternity and newborn care. http://www.icea.org/

The holiday season brings with it so much potential for loving connection . . . laughter . . . and  family traditions.   As we visit with family and friends, share food, gifts, and time while attending many celebrations of  light in the darkness, we enjoy timeless rituals and the power of hope.  Yet we frequently find that our glowing expectations turn to ashes as we experience stress: overcommitment stress, emotional stress, family stress.  Over time I’ve developed some basic guidelines to help find and maintain balance during the holidays, which I hope will be useful to you, particularly if this is your first holiday season with your new baby. . .

Balance can be obtained with Breath and Love and Needs-Centered Experience. What does this mean? First, it seems so basic, but we do forget to BREATHE.  Both physically and symbolically, we get so busy and anxious that we forget to take longer, fuller breaths. As we breathe less fully, we become more anxious and a vicious cycle begins.  Take one setting, such as in your car, and practice breathing more deeply each time you get in. Put a sticky note on the dashboard reminding yourself to breathe deeply.  On a more symbolic level, remember to take “breaths” during and between activities. Both you and your babies/children need “breaths” or breaks between busy times and quiet times.  Family members, who understandably want to spend time with you, can often accept “the baby needs her nap”  as a reason for a break from the action for awhile.

Extend the Love of the season to compassion for everyone’s needs, including your own.  We can forget that we can “practice” love. A conscious effort to speak in a kind voice can go a long way in our interactions with others, particularly if we need to share disappointing news, (such as “I’m sorry, but we can’t go to three different family gatherings in one day”) .  When we remember that another’s expectation is motivated by caring, even when the tone is irritable,  it often makes it easier to respond  in a more loving tone and thereby calm the interaction a bit.

We often get attached to our “ideal” vision of what makes a good holiday. . .or to a family member’s vision . . . without taking into the account our own and our children’s changing Needs.  Sorting out these differences after the birth of the first child and as the family’s developmental needs changes over time can be complicated. Managing the stress of conflicting “wants” can be better managed by first attending to the basic “needs”: food, sleep,  activity, rest, socialization, and relaxation.  It seems fairly basic, but I can remember being puzzled about why my daughter or son was cranky and then realizing that in the hustle and bustle of visiting with family, they had not had their usual snacks, or had skipped their morning naps!  A little planning, with flexibility, can help make sure that everyone’s needs are met, paving the way for a loving, balanced holiday, with lots of  “wants” achieved as well.